It’s been quite a long time since my graduation day. It’s been almost three years. And after four years well spent wrapped inside the safe bubble and amazing environment called University, I was ready to face the ‘real’ world. Or so I thought. But life isn’t always as easy as you thought it would be (most of the times) and fast forward to the present time, I thought that by now I would have found my passion and my place in the world, but the fact is, I’m still as uncertain as I was when I got my first job.
Or I could even say that I’m even more uncertain now that I’m stepping up the corporate ladder and starting to think about career instead of just a job. Because that’s what people my age do, right? Start to think about the long term solution that will provide enough comfort for our life int he future, build a strong and progressive career, find a nice husband or wife, get married, have children, and blablabla. But the longer I walk on this career path, I feel confused still about what it is that I actually want to do for the rest of my life. Is this what will become of me from now till eternity?
The thing is, I’m not sure if it’s just me, but I feel like the things that I was passionate about during my days as a student are no longer relevant. Okay I graduated from an English Department from a reputable University with a good grade, but while English is a skill that is desirable for a lot of job, as an English Dept. graduate, you can maximize your potential if you’re a teacher (or so people thought). Because in the usual setting in a company, you don’t really need a degree in English to be able to communicate in English. Like, I’m working in an Export department and definitely you will need proper English to be on the job, right? Well, no! All you need is the guts and the willingness to speak English with enough vocabularies, and voila! you can generate good sales for the company from the International trade sector. Who cares if you write your email with a lot of mistakes here and there or if you speak with a broken English, as long as the other party understands what you’re talking about, right?
Then, looking at another passion of mine that I have had since Elementary School which is writing, it’s also quite difficult for me to move on with it. Why? Because for 4 years I have been taught to listen, speak, write, and read in English. Is it too cocky or arrogant for me to say that I’m a bit more comfortable writing in English rather than Indonesian now (I’m talking about formal writing here)? Sure, I can write in Indonesian, it IS my first language after all, but to put it into a properly written stories or novels? I tried and it was, quite frankly, horrible. Even reading it myself, I could tell that the word choices were stiff and the sentences were somehow off. But on the other hand, I can’t publish my works through a major publisher because none of them accept a manuscript in other languages except Bahasa Indonesia (as far as I know…If you know one who will publish an English manuscript, do let me know. :)). Sure, the indie publisher or even publishing it myself is an option, and I’m looking into it right now, hopefully I can find the best way to make it work for me. Fingers crossed!
And so, yes I’m confused, and I realize that partly (or greatly) it’s also because of my own lack of courage to fight for what I believe is my passion in life, I guess. But I read it somewhere that feeling this confused about life is actually pretty normal and that it only means I’m actually heading towards the right path. Is it the right path for me or will I remain confused? Only time will tell. Right?