My Last Post

So, the title of this post is My Last Post, and no it’s not going to be my last post in this blog. I’m planning on writing lots and lots more before it reaches my last post. But here, I’d like to talk about my last post published a few days ago.

I just think that my previous post need a follow-up-post of some kind. So, my previous post was actually talking about my so-called ‘personality resolution’. What I wrote there reflected what I wish I can do starting from roughly a year ago, I guess, when I was trying to sort out my head and found this resolution. As I said, I was used to hold a small debate in my own head with me and me 2.0 fighting over an issue from a different perspective. This resolution is also a result of such action. So I was struggling with the way I perceived the world (it sounded quite difficult to comprehend even to myself, how a ‘self-proclaimed’ carefree person as I am could have such a crisis). I had some ideas, new ideas about what things are and how things should be (all thanks to those classes in University), especially when it deals with gender issues or more specifically about women and the concept surrounding them (and yes, of course, gender roles). I found myself disagreeing with the ‘common’ things we found in our every day life, but in some instances, I found myself doing the exact thing that I disagreed on. So, yeah, it was quite a bit of a mental struggle where I felt like I was such a hypocrite.

And I was so concerned with how people see me and what they think of me that I keep all these things to myself (as I have said in my previous post). I just didn’t want to create chaos, problems, conflicts. No, I didn’t like those things at all, in fact, I would rather run away from a problem if I have a choice (not good, but I’m still trying to fix this until now). So, yeah, I kept on having these small debates about what values I actually value. But then I read many articles regarding these issues (gender equality) and tried to grasp the idea about this issues and other issues that I’m concerned of (yeah, not just this one). And so, I came to a conclusion and decision to accept myself more. In order to stop this incessant debate in my head, I need to understand that nobody’s perfect and that changing, basically, the concept of life that has been ingrained in ourselves since I don’t know how long, is not an easy task to do. That applies to other people and also me.

There’s always a room for improvement in people’s lives and I need to understand that. I just need to keep on trying to be more open-minded about things. And this brought on another change of attitude in me. I used to ‘attack’ other people who didn’t have the same idea or perspective as mine. For example, I didn’t think that being a woman must mean that I need to be an excellent cook, or that being a homosexual is a sin, or having a pre-marital sex will absolutely secure your place in the bottom of the social class and in hell. I still don’t. But back then, I would say that people who didn’t think they way I did were absolutely stupid and out of their minds. I will (whenever I got the courage to do so) gave them a piece of my mind, though in an indirect kinda way. But then, since I got into a debate with myself most of the time, I was caught in a heated debate between the old me, and the me that was seeing it from the other perspective. I mean, what if they think that way because it was constructed by society? What if that kind of thinking was the truth that they know? And in this case, what I perceived to be the truth may differ from yours or anyone else’s, but who could say that theirs are not true?

I was quite taken aback because of these debates, because it happened quite often and I really felt like I was having some sort of a philosophical moments there. And so, I came to another enlightenment because of these debates and it was reflected in my last post. I want to keep on trying to see people as themselves, as the unique individual that they are. Often, we put so many labels on someone that we just see the labels and not the person itself. I keep on reminding myself to stop caring about the labels and see the individual. Still, changing one’s way of thinking is never easy, and I still feel like a hypocrite, sometimes, when I’m fighting for one thing but disregard the other.  But trying and learning is something that will never stop, and I think that it’s a part of growing as a human being, so even though my ‘revelation’ may still be lacking in many ways, but there will always be time for me to keep on improving myself.

And it may seem like I’m not fighting for what’s right enough, but I think for now, I will need to grasp on this concept first. This is the start and then I will be able to figure out what to do next regarding my frame of thoughts, principle, etc. I don’t think this post actually make sense to a lot of people, it’s just purely my ramblings. LOL. But it’s okay, if you’re reading this and you find that you disagree with this, or you can relate with this, whether you hate or like this, it’s all very normal and even I disagree with myself sometimes. And…that ends my rambling for this post. Huzzah! See you next post.

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