I always feel like in a way I’m socially awkward. In a way that I don’t always know what to talk about in a social setting, even though I’m with my closest friends. Sometimes, I feel like I’m so introverted that my circle of friends is very small that I can actually count them with my hands (that’s not true, but still I feel that way sometimes). And I feel meeting new people is something to overcome with great courage. I feel awkward in most times, especially while meeting new people. I’m okay if there’s one or two friends that I know before, but if it’s totally new people, I will clam up and will not speak aside from very few necessary words to communicate. Even the fact that I need to ask questions to people I don’t know makes me squirm uncomfortably. However, aside from all those ‘introverted-ness’, I’m actually quite talkative and opinionated.
But, the fact is, even though I’m actually quite stubborn and opinionated, not everyone knows about my so-called opinion on things. I just don’t discuss it with people so openly. If I disagree with someone’s opinion, mostly I will just create a some sort of a controlled argument inside my head and told that imaginary opponent a piece of my mind. But in real life, I will just give them a small smile. “Yes, I’m listening to you but I don’t agree with you but I’m not gonna tell you about it” kind of smile. But the argument in my head will keep on going (this sometimes makes me doubt my sanity, though, since I literally argued and debated with myself).
I’m learning now to be more open about what I think because I know that silence doesn’t always mean that we’re doing the right thing. We need to put it out there so that people can talk about it. I know that so I’m trying to be more opinionated (outside my head) now. But aside from that I’m still striving to be more open minded and understanding. And I find a way to put my opinions out there, through writings. In consequence, so that I can write, I need to read. And this is actually the main point of this post.
For quite a while now, I’ve been extremely inspired by this website : http://www.magdalene.co/ (check out their site and posts, they are awesome). I didn’t remember how I come about this website, but once I’ve read several articles posted there, I feel like these are very inspiring pieces. And they are very close to the reality that we’re facing. I find myself nodding in agreement with more than just one piece in their website. I’m gaining more courage and determination to write my own story thanks to their posts. I want to be more open about what I think. And hopefully, I can keep on writing and writing and writing about things that matter to me in the future. I hope!